joe unfortunate's Journal [entries|friends|calendar] joe unfortunate [ website | collective records motherfucker ] [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[3 go] whatever karate rules/emo winter [06 Feb 2007|06:15pm] [ mood | tired ] [ music | shellac ] so as you can tell this has been a cold winter. the only answer is to listen to a ton of skinny priveledged white boys and their "problems". sorry.

[ go] going analog [20 Jan 2007|11:49pm] [ mood | cold ] [ music | drive like jehu ] MY new typewriter has really taken away the need for this livejournal. I've found that free writing on a manual typewriter is a meditative process and makes me a better writer. Well at least I've felt better about the writing that I've been producing. Anyways the last month or so has been kind of a drag. December found me at the bottom. Drunk, lost, lonely, depressed. I haven't felt this bad or crazy in a long time. Before the first of this month, I was ready to check myself into the hospital. Then I went to visit my mom. That gave me about four days of getting my shit together. Staying sober, organizing shit, relaxing. I returned to st. louis invigorated. The last couple of weeks have not been fantastic. There have been a few wonderful moments, but for the most part I have been trudging through trying to get myself back to normal.

[ go] i've been up all night beating on the window sill [21 Dec 2006|12:27am] [ mood | contemplative ] [ music | dylan ] first your image woke me up every morning like the fucking wringing out of a spounge. i couldn't stop seeing you when i closed my eyes. that stopped after awhile. now i just wake up to face the fear of lonely every morning. your image still penetrates my perception from time to time throughout the day. but more than not, i'm focused on the lonely and the roots of this fear.

[ go] i talked to some old friends for awhile before i wondered off alone [17 Dec 2006|03:54am] [ mood | contemplative ] [ music | neil young ] When I woke up you were gone And the sun was on the lawn Empty pillow with perfume on I smelled it. Well, we met in my favorite bar Took a ride in my old car But I still don't know how We made it home. Was I too far gone Too far gone Too far gone For you. We had drugs and we had booze But we still had something to lose And by dawn I wanted To marry you. With our attitudes by day And our secret dreams by night Can we really live our lives That way. Am I too far gone Too far gone Too far gone For you. Was I too far gone Too far gone Too far gone For you.

[ go] we might walk till the daylight maybe [14 Dec 2006|03:22pm] sometimes i feel like my life is one big bruce springsteen song. that i live the lives of my heroes.

[ go] waiting in the wings [12 Dec 2006|04:06pm] [ mood | content ] [ music | donovan ] much thanks to beth for the much needed dose of jawbreaker. relationships with people are so singular and there are people that you just can't shake no matter how hard you try. i understand that so i'm quite content with redirecting my attention to other things.

[1 go] paaaaast daaaawwwnn [11 Dec 2006|05:21am] [ mood | sad ] [ music | dylan ] i wish i could think of the lyrics that would perfectly describe how i feel right now, but the feelings are too unique and personal. dylan songs aren't helping me right now and i can't place this in a nice category or chalk it up to unchartered waters. i'm just gonna say that this winter just got a lot colder and i hope this leads to better songs. if not it will lead to drunker nights and looming hospital beds. i'll just calll it passion, heart, and strife.

[ go] too soon or is it soon also [05 Dec 2006|02:05pm] [ mood | confused ] [ music | temptations ] rough week/weekend. so many drinks. so many swimming headaches. zero confidence. it's alright. i get into these slumps. not getting the whole story leaves me paranoid and anxious. it's the perfect exit sign. i wait for replies and my head creates a story in it's place. thinking back on some of the people i hurt, i guess i get what i deserve sometimes. sunday night i told a co-worker i ride the bus with that i was thinking about quitting this whole music shit. this 50/60 year old man looked at me and said, "you can't fuck with progression of music". I nearly cried right there.

[3 go] ice, street cred., stadium seating, tyler listens to emo when we kiss, etc. [01 Dec 2006|02:21am] my life is awesome. i should not be allowed to have so much fun. i might make it through this winter unscathed.

[ go] stuck inside of mobile with the memphis blues again [25 Nov 2006|06:11pm] [ music | bobby d. ] Peculiar week. The holidays are a time when everything stands still. For me it's a time where everything has some sort of special meaning. I catch myself overanalyzing things all the time. But in general I feel both warn and content. I feel like I might be coasting a bit, but still moving forward. Isolated and Faltering "lips like sugar kisses", Songs in the back ground suddenly have deeper meaning Crushes forming, scared wondering if I should make a move or hold myself back.

[ go] ask me jerky questions [21 Nov 2006|03:45am] fucking hard week. friends dying. getting into fights with friends. misunderstandings with roomates. near fights. arg. i feel like i'm constantly explaining myself to people, and it's really frustrating. amazingly i still feel really positive.

[ go] hey! leave jackie alone. [15 Nov 2006|03:06am] [ mood | content ] [ music | dukes of the stratosphere ] fucking stoned messages from a girl in san francisco making my heart skip and jump. blushing and feeling ackward. this is seventh grade all over again.

[1 go] walk before they make me run [11 Nov 2006|09:38pm] [ music | stones ] Worked the bars and sideshows along the twilight zone Only a crowd can make you feel so alone And it really hit home Booze and pills and powders, you can choose your medicine Well here's another goodbye to another good friend After all is said and done Gotta move while it's still fun Let me walk before they make me run After all is said and done I gotta move, it's still fun I'm gonna walk before they make me run Watched the taillights fading, there ain't a dry eye in the house They're laughing and singing Started dancing and drinking as I left town Gonna find my way to heaven, `cause I did my time in hell I wasn't looking too good but I was feeling real well After all is said and done I gotta move, I had my fun Let us walk before they make us run After all is said and done I did alright, I had my fun I will walk before they make me I will walk before they make me run I will walk before they make me run I will walk before they make me run After all is said and done I gotta move, I had my fun Let me walk before they make me run Let me walk before they make me run I wanna walk before they make me run

[1 go] I don't listen to enough replacements [07 Nov 2006|09:47pm] [ mood | headache ] [ music | replacements-tim ] Seasons kill, at least that's what a waiter once told me smoking a cigarette in that way that only jaded people can somke. I agree. Two weeks ago I was plowed over by the cold rain. Sleeping in too much and staying in a haze of smoke. It happens. Then you have to choose to get up, decide that you are not going back to any hospital ever, and move forward. People seem to exit my life like a revolving door. You would be wrong to assume that I don't think about it. I have opinions and ideas. I hate the fact that my best friend grew away from me. I never thought that our lives would veer in separate directions. But they obviously have. That's not my fault. I'm spending too much time at work. Hanging out with work people who are nice but don't understand where I'm coming from completely. I have to remember that work is a means to and end. Then end is near. I'm not trying to sound cryptic. Anyways. People change. Intentions become understood. True and honest stand the test of time. Understanding where you fit is always the question.

[2 go] little triggers [26 Oct 2006|11:22am] [ mood | curious ] [ music | elvis costello ] Post-dropping out. Trying to take advantage of my extra time. Mostly I just drink and convince myself that I'm just doing research; as if one has to go through the ringer a million times before they can write anything. It's a naive concept. All I want to do is drink coffee and put things together. Oh yea and listen to crass and give stick and pokes.

[ go] spray my brains etc. [26 Oct 2006|03:18am] [ music | flipper ] fucking brutal. Waking up way too late. Rushing to work. Rain. No money. Watching a movie. Alone. Cold walk. Soaking wet. More people looking to collect money. Not enough drugs to sleep.

[4 go] a hobo's blessing [25 Oct 2006|02:37am] [ mood | sleepy ] [ music | some whiney priveledges white boy ] an evening with tyler. listening to emo coming from the next room. thinking about "open" relationships. missing a face. being bitten by a cat i'm in love with. crushes. loves. failure. confidence.

[1 go] don't look back [25 Oct 2006|02:29am] [ music | dylan ] almost lost it yesterday. i could feel myself slip into crazy. this cold wind attacks me. obliterates me.

[ go] mother's little helper [06 Oct 2006|12:05pm] [ music | joe's mix tape ] long night out last night. Gonna spend the next couple ours getting it back together. geez.

[ go] map out my heart or just get mapped out? [13 Sep 2006|11:34am] [ mood | sleepy ] [ music | vicious ] Emily said that she read my livejournal entries the other day. She said you could almost map out my depression cycles. It's really strange to think of yourself as naturally inclined to be depressed. There's so much shit going on in your brain, with your hormones, and with your external environment that you don't have much control over. I think about that a lot, and put that in perspective when I'm feeling kinda crazy. Today I'm recovered from touch and go and ready to get to work.

navigation [ viewing | most recent entries ] [ go | earlier ]